Thursday, January 14, 2010

Sweet Corporate Talk

Here are some phrases you'll eventually run into if you toil in a corporate environment.

You're specially likely to encounter these sweeties when "conducting business" over the phone.

Oh, and I've taken the liberty to include translations on what they actually mean. More to follow as I see fit.

Sweet Corporate Talk: "Thanks for taking the time to review this with me. It was really helpful in understanding where we're at."
True Meaning: "This was a waste of time."

Sweet Corporate Talk: "I'm not sure that I'm OK with that, but I know it's not your fault."
True Meaning: "I'll be talking to my boss about this, and my boss will talk to your boss."

Sweet Corporate Talk:
"Thanks! I'll follow-up with Joe on that last item."
True Meaning: "Since you couldn't take care of that item, which was really my primary reason for contacting you, I now have to talk to someone else. Gee, thanks."

Sweet Corporate Talk: "We've got some very exciting changes in the pipeline."
True Meaning: "Expect a big workload in the immediate future."

Sweet Corporate Talk: "The following action items came out of that meeting."
True Meaning: "The meeting went south. We need to shape up. Here's everything that needs to happen right away."

Sweet Corporate Talk: "I'll be happy to review some options with you. I want to make sure you're aware of your resources."
True Meaning: "Sorry, no can do."

Sweet Corporate Talk: "I really appreciate all the hard work you put into this."
True Meaning: (Different tone) "I really appreciate all the hard work you put into this."

Sweet Corporate Talk: "I just want to make sure we're on the same page."
True Meaning: "Dude."

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